Nerd Nightmares

original posted on Medium

It's 1:30am. Against my better judgement I stopped by Ritual on the way home from work for a delicious cup of Sossa. Hot damn I love the coffee there. I'm finishing up a solution when our API goes down deciding it's time for me to go to bed — I hate leaving unfinished work, but I am finally tired enough to let it be.

All the day’s events, decisions and conerns begin to fade with the numbing sensation that runs through my body as I hit the mattress. A few minutes in the problem occupies my thoughts again — something I can't help. Various solutions start coming to mind; some I quickly dismiss and others I stew on for a bit. After a few I stop myself and my mind starts to wander down other paths.

Starting to enter the phase of sleep where reality and dreams coexist the problem creeps back in. I get stuck in an infinite loop that I can't break; out of. Each iteration the solution gets further and further from me, but I believe I’m on the right track. This is about the time the MacBook fans kick in. It doesn't end and the stress feels as though it manifests physically — I am way more exhausted now. I am completely consumed by an impossible problem.

Eventually my body kernal panics triggering a myoclonic jerk waking me from my nerd nightmare.

I have a feeling that I solved the problem, but after a few seconds I realize most of the solutions don't work, or didn't make sense to begin with. Shit.

I get up, drink some water, read a few pages from a book and fall asleep shortly after.

Sometimes I wish I made furniture for a living.